Cloud computing. It's referred to -- humourously, or bitterly depending on whether you're talking to a 'Dev' or an 'Ops' respectively -- as "Somebody Else's Computer".

If "The Cloud" is hosting your infrastructure on "somebody else's computer", then the opposite of the cloud is when you're faced with putting someone else's infrastructure on your own internal network.

And so here I am, tasked with building virtual machine appliance images to safely and securely run behind customer firewalls of unknown configuration.

That... is an exercise in trust. Trust that is getting harder to come by thanks to the embarassing security record of "Internet Of Things" devices.

This is a talk about DevOps practice, infrastructure architecture, command & control, VPNs, Docker, Debian, Saltstack, Packer, Terraform, careful orchestration, and serious paranoia.